Joke go BAD when you piss off tech support
At one company a secretary interrupted my lunch to ask me to look at her monitor.  The power light was on both the monitor and computer but NOT a blip on the screen.  I loaded a replacement monitor and video card as it was a bit of a walk.  When I got there it was exactly like she had said.  I then took off her glare guard and a piece of black paper fell out.  It was a joke played by the rest of the crew in her department.

Space the final frontier
I had a 20 minute argument that ended with when you find it let me know.  The issue the user insisted that the space bar was NOT the space bar because it did not have the word SPACE written on it.  I also had a conversation about the ANY key with this guy.

Why not use it if you've paid for it?
I've had numerous users call me to ask to support various programs that I have little or no contact with.  Which is pretty annoying but when the call and they have free or paid for tech support from the company who made the stuff I shake my head.

The Ghost in the Machine
One user swore that something was up with his computer that someone had hacked into it.  While I hadn't done anything to them and we were behind a firewall I thought it was pretty dubious that anyone had hacked into their computer.  Words such as Afghanistan and terrorist were frequently seen in the ghost typing lending an air of paranoia to the whole thing.   After a LOT of calls and searching the internet instead of improving my solitaire score, I found the solution.  Office XP has speech recognition embedded in it.  For some reason it would switch on EVERY time the user restarted their computer.  The microphone on the front of the monitor would pick up ambient sounds and try to type them.  A TV tuned to the Fox News channel was usually on in the room so the words in the broadcast would be picked up by the microphone and then entered into the Office application running.

Space Cadet
A user complained about a lack of hard drive space.  While I told him he had a LOT of space on the network to store his data and it would be backed up he insisted he HAD to have a larger hard drive.  (This was back when 3 Gigs was a HUGE drive).  I kept telling him to clean up his machine but he complained to his boss and then the shit flowed down.  I then ordered the drive and took his computer to move the data to the new drive.  The old drive had only 10% data and applications and the other 90% was games.  I made sure that I forwarded the contents to my boss and his. 

Computers need to sweat sometimes
Day 1 - VP of the company enters the computer room and turns up the thermostat saying we're wasting money and we don't need it cold in here.
Day 2 - Server crashes due to heat.  Thermostat reset to appropriate levels.
Day 3 - VP raises temperature again this time agitated that HIS money is being spent on being chilly.
Day 4 - Server goes down AGAIN board actually has melted chips.  VP calls up to ask WTF is going on.  I calmly explained that the temperature was too warm and I had the replacement and was getting the server up as we spoke. Thermostat reset.
Day 5 - Someone raises temperature.  I place a SIGN next to the thermostat. Thermostat reset.
Day 6 - Someone raises temperature.  I place a SIGN ON the thermostat. Thermostat reset.
Day 7 - Someone raises temperature.  I DUCT TAPE the the thermostat. Thermostat reset.
Day 8 - Tape is REMOVED and someone raises temperature.

We don't need that file
My replacement at a job that I left called to ask me what to do because he deleted the global address list from Microsoft Mail (pre dates exchange)  because the VP of the company didn't want people emailing each other between branches.  I asked do you have a backup of the file?  He said no.  Well you then just deleted everyone's email account and you'll have to recreate them all by hand.

We don't need no stinking backup
This replacement had the backup system fail and did not replace it for several weeks.  He then had several drives in a RAID fail till there was no mirroring at ALL.  Then in preparation for a weekend power outage simply shut off the servers (did not shut down he cut power)  Monday morning came and he showed up at 8am and the servers didn't come up.  He blamed the vendor for faulty parts.  Although when recovered the logs showed a months of failed backups and 2 weeks of a failed RAID system.

My code is PERFECT I have no erors
I had a developer (well he called himself one) who was complaining that his code wasn't working and it was something I had done.  I asked what the error message was.  He said there was none.  I then ran his code on my machine and received an error message  which was EXTREMELY detailed and helpful.  I then went to his machine and ran the same code without an error message.  I then checked and he had turned error messages off 'because they were annoying'  This incident spanned 3 days, involved 3 managers, a client, a VP and a partner in the  company because I wasn't helpful. 

I'm an engineer but operating a phone is a bit much
A call from the engineering department for support with a broken modem.  I head over and everyone is at lunch.  I then fire up the application that used the modem.  It dials and does everything it's supposed to.  I double and triple check everything's ok.  I leave and they come back from lunch and call me saying it's still not working and they've helped me out by removing the modem and mixing a few of the jumpers around.  I go over replace everything they've removed and check the modem WITH them there and everything is ok.  Then then tell me that they want to call up this BBS in California.  I explain they have to talk to their VP to have a request made to allow long distance calls on that line.  They say we don't want to do that because that's not what is wrong.  The MODEM is broken.  Finally when the had the line changed the modem WORKED fine.